So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
