I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize