Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
