I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
