How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
