i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
God I need to hump something, right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
