i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
