and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize