I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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