Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
