Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
