Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
