the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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