shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
