if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
