So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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