Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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