12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize