I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize