Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
