dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
