No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
