i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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