It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hate all girls vehemently.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
