Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
