Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
