i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
