Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
