If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
