whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
