do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
