did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
