How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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