I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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