He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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