The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
