I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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