You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
