She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
