Who did Billy Mays play for?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I could fuck to npr.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize