We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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