I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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