Too much gin, very little bucket
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
