I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
