When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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