I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
