somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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