Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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