I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
