OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize