11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
