guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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