it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
