Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think i got beer on your cat.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
