bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
