But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
