If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
