Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
