Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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