I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
