Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
this is an emotional support booty call
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
