Screwed.edu
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
