Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
