if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
