Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As shirtless as possible
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
