the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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