my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
