Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
