I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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