My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
